my mother passed away a week ago today after struggling against a brutal illness that started back at the end of this summer. she was hospitalized for a week at the end of august and then stayed with us for the month of september...we had the best month together, me taking care of her, helping her get stronger, and ed enjoying the time he got to spend with her too. on september 25th she was re-hospitalized and stayed there for 21 days...she was too weak at that point to come back home to us so my sisters and i had to make the difficult decision to put her in a rehab/nursing center to help her gain her strength. she was there for 12 days and wanted us to take her back to the hospital because the pain was too much.
we took her to the hospital on october 30th and on tuesday, november 1st she made the decision that she was done fighting and battling - it was too much on her weakening body. she told my oldest sister and i her decision, and as we each laid on a shoulder of hers, she planned her funeral with us that tuesday. our pastor spent time with us, and we called the family to come see her. she told us we would never forget this experience. we told her we knew, and we wouldn't want to. she also, profoundly, told us "you will have a baby to take care of for three days". at the time we had no idea what she was talking about. we took her home on thursday, november 3rd, with hospice with comfort measures/pain medications only. on saturday, november 5th, three days after she got home and two days after she lost consciousness, at 9:30 p.m., she took her last breaths with us in the room with her. she knew it would only be three days. she knew.
it was beautiful, it was peaceful.
someone had told my siblings earlier that day that she would inhale her last breath here on earth and would exhale in Heaven. her last breath was not an inhale and an exhale. it was only an inhale and i could see her heart stop beating. it may sound strange, but it was beautiful. it was peaceful.
earlier in the day my sister asked me "how many times can our hearts break?" and i answered with "i think we are finding out." about two minutes after mom passed away, i looked at her and said "my heart doesn't hurt anymore" with tears streaming down my face and a catch in my breath.
we will miss her with all of our being. we will think of her every day. we will rejoice that she is no longer in pain and is in the hands of God, reunited with dad and eternally happy. she will go wherever we go because we carry her in our hearts with us forever.
with my sister and i standing beside her body, and others in the family in the room, she inhaled here on earth, and with my father and God standing right beside her, she exhaled in Heaven...