so i just realized that this is my 100th post. and i'm typing it from a balcony on the 9th floor of a beach and spa resort in ft. lauderdale. wow.....it's REALLY nice here - it's 10:40 pm, and about 75 degrees. certainly not what it is up in michigan (where it's probably in the 40s right now) - i'm sitting on this patio, 9 floors up, having a glass of wine, smoking a cigarette (which i certainly don't do much of anymore!) and relaxing. but...it's not home....i am looking at these amazing apartments with ocean views. balconies that are on the ocean and downtown ft. lauderdale not far in the distance. yep, we could both get jobs down here and live in the tropical (somewhat) area that a lot of people aspire to....but....our dogs wouldn't be able to live in these beautiful high rises, nor, especially, would our horses....so guess what? i'll take michigan, and our dogs, and our horses living right where we are, right as we are, right now, before i would trade all of it for a huge place down here. i will take our jobs as we thankfully have just as they are as much as it may suck getting up in the morning to go to!
i'll take life as it has been for the past four/five months, and as it is to be, ten times over, before i will change a thing. because these past four months? have been BRUTAL! they have nearly killed me. since december 7th, when we found out there was no heartbeat in our baby, these four/five months have been the worst that i could wish on my worst enemy and, after being through this - i wouldn't wish it on them...but having lived these months - NOTHING would have brought us closer than this....this awful, sad, lonely journey that we have been through. nothing would have brought us as close as we are now.
i will take my life as it is and love it in every possible way that i can....just as it is at this exact moment....with my husband standing at my side....xoxoxo - edward, i love you more than life itself....xoxoxo